All of the girls at work are on a diet.
In fact, one of the gals, in an effort to try and convince management we needed our own private fridge in the office connected to the main floor insisted that because all of the girls are on diets and not eating a lot they need access to their energy drinks and an employee fridge near the main floor would be just the ticket.
Her idea didn't land the fridge.
But it did incur my disdain.
Enough. With. The. Diets. Already.
Shouldn't they stop being cool when we no longer frequent lockers on a daily basis?
Ladies, I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but you have an ass.
And your ass has cellulite.
And so do your thighs and your hips and possibly even your breastesses.
But so do mine.
And hers.
And even that size 4 Russian model.
Trust me; one of my gal pals who actually is a Russian model pinched her thigh in the faces of several of us bemoaning about how skinny bitches never rock cottage cheese thighs and she proved us all wrong. I will never forget that comical moment when my friend was half bent over with her slip hiked up her scrawny rear, pinching her nonexistent fat rolls declaring, 'See! Look. I have cellulite too!'
And she did.
Everyone has an ass.
Even the skinny bitches.
My point?
Shouldn't it be high time we work with what we have instead of punishing what is?
You wanna make a lifestyle change?
Be my guest.
You wanna eat organically vegan wheat free hormone free hate free ruffage that centers you and brings you more energy?
Awesome.
But if you fall under the other category of women, and I know you know who you are, then stop drinking your bullshit shakes and energy shmenergy drinks and sneaking your junk food when nobody's looking and just own it.
Own however you look right now and worship it.
And buy clothes that cater to it.
Simply as it is.
TODAY.
Right now.
Just shut up.
Eat some butter.
And be glad you're no longer taping prom pictures to your locker mirror.
Leave the body image insecurities to the preteens.
We women are too busy loving our own luscious asses to ever worry about how huge they may have become.
