The Perfect Couple Disillusion

About a month ago I sold an engagement ring to the "Perfect Couple."

Straight out of a Disney movie, chorus singing in the background, 'Whatever YOU want, Pookie,' sappy cuteness.

They were SO googily eyed, lovesick, awestruck about one another that normally I would be overwhelmed with a desire to hurl a crying baby at their heads.

I mean, no one should be that lovey dovey when they're past 22.

But there was something about this couple that was just so genuine I didn't involuntarily wretch over their demonstrative love.
I actually felt inspired by it.

I want what they have, I thought to myself.
Mr. Vagina and I were never like that.
Not even a little bit.
And I wanted someone who was head over heels crazy about me.

The Perfect Couple had been dating for over two years and just purchased a house together.
The story of how they met was that Mr. Perfect Couple, normally charming in the presence of ladies, felt tongue tied in the presence of Mrs. Perfect Couple.
It was love at first sight.
And they were inseparable ever since.

Too fucking cute.

They were both SO. EXCITED. over the idea of getting married it was N.A.U.S.E.A.T.I.N.G.

I mean, Good Lord, it was like Giselle and her prince left Andolaysia to come buy an engagement ring from me.

But I fell in love with them, in spite of myself.

Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Couple adored me so much they brought me fruit and a cupcake when they picked up their ring several days later.
(They work in a grocery store. How peachy.)

I even wrote them a Thank You card telling them how inspired I was meeting them.
And that I hoped one day to have a relationship like theirs.

I followed up with Mr. Perfect Couple and invited him back in to get a birthday gift for Mrs. Perfect couple.
He was very friendly on the phone and told me that I was so gorgeous if he wasn't in love with his girl, he would totally ask me out.
He also said the man who lost me was a fool.

Had to love him.

He said he'd see about fixing me up with one of his friends and we both agreed we should all get together soon for drinks.
Talk about having a friend in the diamond business!

I was thrilled.

How cool would it be to meet the future love of my life through a fabulous couple I sold an engagement ring to?
What a fabulously romantic story!

But then my fantasy was rudely interrupted.

Mr. Perfect Couple started texting me more.
And his texts started bordering on flirtation.
He called me a super fox.
Fair enough.
Stating the obvious.
Then he told me, I'm not going to lie when I saw you I said to myself I hope this woman helps us.
Hmm.
Ohhhkaaay.

Then he invited me over to have a drink with him.
You know.
Since his girlfriend was out of town.

Which of COURSE, was a totally innocent thing to do.
And I'm SURE that when his GIRLFRIEND found out about it she wouldn't freak the fuck out.
Because it's perfectly appropriate to drink libations with some girl you think is hot when your lady has skipped town.

Ugh.

I felt sick.

Why is it that every time I think maybe, just maybe, I can have a male friend who isn't just gonna wanna get me naked shit like this happens?

And the really fucked up part is that I was actually jealous of this poor girl!
I actually thought that there had been some missing element in my last love affair.

And you know what?
Mr. Vagina is a huge pussy.
He is a scared, withholding coward.
But I know he never would have pulled a stunt like this asshole.

Maybe my guy wasn't the mushiest but he was certainly loyal.
And it's nice to realize I'd actually prefer a reserved man I can trust than a charming, romantic guy ruled by his passions.

I never fully appreciated my loves differences while he was mine.
But I know that the next man I love, I won't be comparing his weaknesses to some other guys supposed strengths.
Because no man is perfect.

But some imperfections are much more desirable than others.
Hearing my man only ever call me adorable and receiving kisses on the forehead suddenly don't seem like such a bad thing.